Haha okayyy.
This is going to be quite a personal post, so sorry for anyone who doesn't care :p
Basically, the dear Colombian that he is, Juan joined a self help group. Well, he doesn't call it that, but he describes it as 'fixing the things in the past that affect your future for the worse' or something. So he has been going around trying to be a 'good person'
That's all good and well, but when you get a call at 8.30 in the morning, when the previous night you had gone to sleep at 4.30 AM, it's a little bit like 'go away'.
Sadly, the waking me up insanely early isn't the worst part.
He Decides to tell me this:
'Look...I just want to explain to you all the reasons why I've been an arsehole to you for the last two years. When we were dating, you never really wanted me, but I always thought I was better than you, so I tried to make you love me to confirm the fact that I was better than you like I thought. I never loved you, I don't think I really ever liked you, it was all to do with my arrogance. I've been pushing you away for the last couple of years because I thought you'd fall back in love with me again. It's fucking arrogant, I know, but it's the truth. This last week I've barely left the house because I've felt so bad about all the pain I caused you. We're kind of fake friends, you and me, like you said, and as I don't really have any friends I want you to be my first true friend, and I just want you to know that I no longer think I'm better than you, and you're an amazing girl'.
HOW HE THOUGHT telling me he NEVER LOVED ME or LIKED ME would make me HAPPY is beyond me.
I'm a really insecure person. I'm not going to deny it. I need love, I need affection and I need people surrounding me who actually like me. And to think that someone was actually capable of loving me, even though I could never think it was true, was a nice feeling. If I was ever sad I could always remember that I was once loved. Alas, this is the ultimate rejection. A total waste of about 4 years of my life because some stupid guy was arrogant and just wanted the self satisfaction of knowing he could get me, as he knew he was superior to me.
:( I need a hug.
15 years ago
1 comment:
That made me sick to the pits of my stomach, i couldn't even comment when i first read it.
3 reasons:
1) What he said (tho kinda normal seeing as he's already shocked us all with his behaviour when we played monopoly). Because what u say is true. Waste of 4 fucking years. (Thats like my whole lifespan in uk). But you know what? You have charlie chuckle berries! And he loves you.. So its not ultimate rejection! Maybe the feeling of love at the age we were at just amplified HOW MUCH we felt loved. Charlie prolly loves more!!! rawr.
I'm insecure too and i need people who love me, around me. So you're not alonee!! I love you!!
2) Looking at his point of view.. he just seems depressed. And im feel really crap that I didnt have any impact on him.
3) I've lost a friend who i love. I mean lets face it Rosie. Losing a friend is way worse. At least you got the whole "I want you to be my first TRUE friend" and the "Youre an amazing girl" .
I feel so sidelined. As if i was never even friends with him to begin with.
Lets all be emo.
(love you. VANESSA x)
(oh. *hugs*)
Post a Comment